*Emo*

I dont know why i always gets emo whenever trying to talk sense into my parents, dad and/or mom.

I really dont understand why cant i talk normally when anything gets serious.
i really really really utterly very much fucking hate myself for this. ARGH!
First they ask me to make decision, when i did, they say "alright! we're right here supporting you" and then the next minute (literally of course) they would be "i dont understand why you were so hard headed on keeping to the decision! you can always try other stuff you know?" or maybe "you dont even know whats out there"(because i dont read papers) i'm sorry to say i fucking hate news because its never first handed, dumbfuck reporters especially tabliods would do anything and everything to make it sounds real and senseful that it actually kill ppl.
come on lah, seriuosly why are you even reading those damn thing? these news have to reach a certain level of cover up to be published too.
and i fucking hate those damn "socialites" who does charity because they want to gain publicity.
understand this, i'm not saying that you have to do it quitely, but dont do stuff just because you want something else in return. i really dont like the idea of taking advantage, in any point. thus i really never get the point of that dumbfuck morale project thing that we're forced to do in f4/f5. its all fake. morale learned "you just have to ACT as if you're nice." :)
I know thats the real world - kiasu/cunning/cover up/damn surface stuff etc. but sit down and think, is this really the real world?
what? so then when everyone lives in peace, before war and all that, that's fake? come on, THAT was real, that was what human was. that, is what human is, if you look deep into yourself.
Kiasu-ness and competition is one thing, but being cunning to get to what you want is an absolute no-no for me. and good news to you all, i wouldnt know i'm being used until very late.
Anyways, this is what happens when the term "cunning" comes into the picture, this is where the war begun, stuff like internal spy, or maybe our more well known term - backstabber.
This was what triggered me most, because before, they'd build me up with darn high expectations and stuff, but ending up with nothing actually.
this is what they call falling from a very high point. you get so dissapointed you dont even know what to say, because whatever you say, they're hinting you to get another option. and how can i not listen to them when they're the ones who'd pay the bills?
seriously the reason i plead for leaving this house is to avoid being slaped back to square one by those issues.
I dont care if i dont own a house, nor a car.
I just want out.
I'd find a way to survive, throw me a budget, whatever you would give.
It'd take me a darn longer time to reach what i aim, but i dont care. please dont give me hopes never to be completed.
I think i have my answer to my previous post already, I WANT TO STUDY ARCHITECTURE.
If you say its a rather hard and unnecessary routh for a lady, i'm sorry, i dont find the relevants in other courses too. There's a certain difficulty in everything, otherwise humans would never reach where we are today. this is about breaking free, getting exposed, taking risk, learning things. We can never stay at point one and live with it for another 10 years. because frankly, you'd get bored wont you? especially those who have a choice to do better, have a change.

And a screencap of the past. I think i've been rebellious since i can remember.

Mommy forced me into piano classes and seriously, instruments is never friendly to me.

kindergarden - piano,
i dont know, the keys are just GIGANTIC, and so HARD to get the tone.
As in when the teacher plays, it'd be "DONGGG". and when i hit it, it'll be "donngg".
then the teacher will get so mad coz i can never get "DONGGG". and then i'd cry every lesson because she's just so darn fierce EVERYDAY.
& yes, i can vaguely remember the way she teached me, she's hold my finger and repeatly slam it againts the key to achieve the "DONGGG-DONGGG-DONGGG" sound, and then ask "WHY CANT YOU PLAY IT LIKE THAT?!"
yes, i absolutely cannot stand fierce-ness. it's all about the love. see, thats why i got interested in language, ICLS has the bestest teachers~ they're all smily and nice ^^

anyways, instrument is never friendly to me part 2.

primary school - pipe thingie, err... this one really damn pukimak. i hate lick hung with passion.
bloody hell, i never sang in primary. you know why? lick hung is so darn good in making every student who's not best in everything feels like an outcast. fuck you lick hung. and yes, back to topic. yea.. my music teacher... hmm... someone ugly, plays good piano.
anyways damn dumb loh seriously, like wtf, i rmb this very well, she always say
"okay, follow my lead and blow it like this -"pee-pee-pee",
and as i can remember every ones goes "pee-pee-pee" in unison.
but she'll go frantic, screaming "NOOO!!! NONONO!! its.. *blow again* pee-pee-pee". and everyone tries again, but is usually suckier than the first.
like wtf! thank YOU, our potential interest in music is all gone, which is why i can rmb her only 2 expressions. 1-bored, 2- ANGRY. :/

Next try was on my sister's guitar, this one damn sad loh really, cause i cant even reach the other end of the tab. =.= hands too small.

BACK to the point of rebellion.
I never accomplish her wish of learning the piano, nor anything. thus, they'd always paster me about "never complete anything" because i'm the only one among us sisters to have no talent in anything at all. everything "半落空".
but i believe, this is the only thing i would like to accomplish right now.
ARCHITECTURE.
I'm sorry i'm not anywhere near good. but please dont tell me its only a dream. :(

anyways i only gained interest in music in secondary,
when my younger sister can play the piano damn smoothly, and my elder sister, who only went to a few guitar classes can already play a few tunes with emotions,
while I, was just beginning to search for my sound.
I know i'm slow in everything. [not something to be proud of obviously]
I only started singing in secondary, but it was amazing, i've forgotten how i'd horrify both my sisters when i sing out of tune, but i just dont care, i just sang as i never did before without thinking what others thought of me. and seriously i sucked damn bad, because both my sisters can sing real well. [I've grown up, being out-shined in everything.]
I'd say my eldest sister is the singer of all tunes, while my younger, the theatre. :)
and oh, have i tell you how sweet my little sister is?
see, my elder sister, she'd go "omg, you sound damn bad, shut up."
or when we're in karaoke, which my voice would always (and still do) be covered up by everyone else, she's say "eh, where's your voice? go louder!" and pretty much cover my sound even more, and then i'd be screaming till every tune is not right and still only hear a little over hers. BUT!! my little sister, she'd be "no lah, abit soft lah, but right tune." or "not bad not bad, but louder please." or totally stun and then say "shut up."
hahahahah.. damn cute loh really, but anyhow, its a little of those two girls that got me interested in singing.
I love my sisters to bits.
and my elder sis's gonna be home in approx.. 12 hours!!
xD kkya~~~

anyways, I'm all better now talking about my sisters :)
thanks for reading. haha. x)

I love my sisters!