by the way i have been thinking alot about today's post. cause I register today as such a beautiful head start, having both cny and vday fall on the same day.
i'm not sure about the stats of this coincidence ever recurring again, but if it should, then i'll make sure i'm as positive and happy as i am today still :)
lets just not touch on vday this year alright?
considering i had a sucky one last year when i had a bf. wtf.
whats more to say when i dont have one this year?
yes, it makes me realize how sad i am for being valentine-less for 21 years so far. so yes, lets not deprive on my sad being ok?
lets be happy cause for once, 2.14 isnt exactly 2.14!
so what do you think i did today?
hmm, I said I was thinking about today's post didnt i?
I actually had my day planned out, at least half my day planned out, since february 1st. I was really looking forward to visiting that chinese temple in san jose again, the one I mentioned on my actual new year post. but forced to change plan due to PMS-ing, and I heard its bad luck to go to any "sacred place" during this time of the month.
Reason: not only is it (1) disrespectful to the Gods (which you can read loads of disagreements and p.o.v. if you google this question, especially from all-for-women's-right! women),
I also heard it is (2) a bad omen, because temples are where the wandering spirits usually go, to "find their path" back to the rightful dimension, so during that de-blooding time of the month, it is believed women are even "weaker" than their usual yin element, therefore the unjustified consequences of "welcoming" bad luck after visiting these "crowded" places.
I actually spent a little more than 2 hours in the morning researching for such unwritten beliefs, alas to no respond besides hindu and bali beliefs. I'm a buddhist. not an exact answer, but got me thinking, if hindu and muslim (as we malaysians know), and now balinese beliefs are "coincidentally" the same, then there must be something yes?
I know one may argue "its because of the status differences between men and women since medieval times!"
but have you ever thought of reviewing such matter from the unforeseeable p.o.v. i mean you have never sees God before no? but you still believe in IT yes? why? :)
conclusion: its better to be cautious than sorry. I am practically alone in a foreign country.
So there goes my original plan of "2.14"
anyways, the house is really awesomely clean after my uber-chinese-determination-to-clean-house-before-cny. hahahaa. I was supposed to take pictures today, but was too cold to do anything. i suppose i'll do it tomorrow if i have time, otherwise pray it remains this state until next week! haha :P
then sweet-tooth kick in, but is also damn determine to not indulge myself with any sugar today cause it triggers my bad skin.
so enough of determination.
I shall now built my new year resolutions on such a happy day. 2.14!
(1) learn the art of poker face. smile even when I do not mean it, because this is what "acquaintances" want to see.
(2) learn to be nicer to people around me. I've been hoping ppl around me would get my sarcastic jokes, but apparently not. so I have to fit in instead of waiting around like I did for 21 years no? :)
(3) learn to be more persistent and determine. you have no idea how many things I want to do, and now that i'm in a foreign country. mwahahaha. jk. nothing bad, just a good start! 2.14! ;) haha.
(4) learn to be thankful-thankful. ok, i had a
bloody nightmare last night, i dreamt i was in scotland right now and doing architecture still. fuck those lovely snow, it was really really sad: so very very cold, alone, with my cutting mat and model boards, and fuck presentation cause it must be really really bad (as always) and ugh, the whole dream is black and white! i really hate monochrome dreams. haha. so anyways, I woke up to a stupid phone call and is thankful that I'm in CALIFORNIA, given this opportunity to restart my college life, with the options of so many other things like intercultural communication and... a real campus! :D
(5) find the perfect balance between being independent and dependent. wtf. this sounds confusing, and sure is challenging, but it is absolutely essential because my previous determination to be independent from my inborn dependency, forbidding myself to be "clingy" to even the slightest attempt, pushes ppl away from me, and causes internal emotional conflict its so very depressing. (o-o)'''
(6) byebye lazy faye, hello new heidi. haha. yes, I am determine to out-grown all my negative old self and start anew. :D
you'll be with me wont you my friends? ;)
kamsia, have a nice Fierce, Determined, and Ambitious year everyone!